I’ve been watching Tyler for years, reading him for more. I remember him from when he first popped up on the scene and was a weird blonde zoomy sperg who reminded me of a cousin of mine, in his ADHD autist fashion. Now we’re both older, I’m fucked up, and he’s got a frontier explorer beard and more children than I care to ever have and an understanding of himself and life that I, despite having followed along with him in life and read his works and experienced his philosophy evolve over time alongside my own, don’t have. I’m not almost 40 but I am older than I should be for where I’ve found myself, I certainly don’t have even a modicum of the same successes, my life experiences seem to fit only a small pamphlet compared to some books he can probably fill.

I’m working on why this is, and this log will be a tool to assist in fixing it. Perhaps “fixing” will become misused terminology upon some pondering.

For my upcoming May, it will be what some have affectionately termed “monk mode”. Illimitable Man first introduced me to it, and the idea resonated somewhere within. I toyed with it for ages but never really committed. I’ve done this with a few things, most of which would be beneficial in the long run, and possibly life changing. Fasting, meditation, extreme diligence with diet and consuming healthy fuel for the body, exercise, nofap, all similar concepts, all attempted for various lengths and consistencies, and some with some results and victories but none with lasting habits or consistent lifestyle benefits. Monk Mode seems more like a diligent consolidation of these concepts.

MM has been popping up more and more in my life as of lately: this might be because of its increased popularity, or a random sign from the universe to get my shit together. More likely its that deep part of my brain that knows what in the fuck to actually do to get results, screaming from the back of the dusty broom closet it’s been hogtied and shoved into. Victor Pride released a book on it (55 pages after fluff for $20bux, the audacity), Elisha Long did a course on it and his other talks have been resonating as well, and its become a staple of red pill, and seemingly the Self-Improvement sphere. For something that was probably traditional knowledge passed down as common sense a mere few hundred years ago. Maybe the lack of technology helped it along.

Gary and I are not happy with our current state of affairs, this has been known for long enough. But we’re approaching the end of a bridge and we’re thinking of burning the bridge, the boats, the oars, and maybe a virgin or two. (Have to appeal to Shiva, after all.) I’ve had a niggling thought of fasting for ages now. I’ve known for more than a decade now why eating non-shit food is essential for health, after employment that afforded me knowledge about the thousands of fun food additives and preservatives and chemicals in our snacks and foodstuffs. I’ve physically known why exercise is important, as I’ve never seen my abdominal muscles in my life, and the last time my stomach was “normal” flat, I was just barely into my teens. I’ve been completely physically incapacitated and then rebuilt myself up… to only “working” status, never past. I’ve gone back and forth with not masturbating for almost a decade as well, with my longest streak only 26 days (which ended the night I sent my father to the hospital). All these things, I’ve toyed with, but never fully realized, or devoted myself to, when I know I should have, as the benefits on the other ends are platitudes greater than what I have now… but more importantly, they’re benefits that are within my grasp, if I just put in the work. And that’s the part I’ve never given in to.